nimmt uns mit auf seine Reise
About 4 months after taking the homeopathic remedy, I have the opportunity to take an iboga initiation with a high dose of the original substance. Three weeks after the iboga initiation with a flood dose I note: When I hear from a good friend about the possibility of getting an iboga initiation with a flood dose of iboga, i.e. a high dose, without traveling too far, I immediately feel that the plant is calling me. I sign up, and contact with the shaman offering this initiation is pleasant and straightforward. When I see her, it is love at first sight. Here I know: I can confide in her.
My co-initiator and I arrive already in the afternoon of the previous day at the place where we can take the plant the next day. The weather is beautiful. The shaman invites us to collect a whole bucket full of flowers and leaves - "so that you will no longer be strangers to the forest tomorrow". We do it and put our collection in a tub in the sun.
I sleep well that evening, which we still spend around the campfire with the shaman and her two helpers.There is no fear at all.The next day we pour the plant water over ourselves and cleanse ourselves in this way for our ritual.Then we collect some objects that are valuable to us, dig a hole in the ground and give them to the earth as a thank you for allowing us to be here in this place.We then go to an oak tree and talk to it for a while, asking it for blessings .
The dose that is right for us, and the mixture, is determined in conversation, and then we prepare the medicine ourselves, filling the carefully weighed powder into capsules. The room where the initiation is to take place is darkened, a bed is prepared for each of us, and then we take the medicine around 4:30 p.m., along with 20 mg of omeprazole to protect our stomach. Just 35 minutes after taking it, the medicine starts to work.I can't sit anymore, I have to lie down.I feel nauseous.My acoustic perception changes.Everything seems much louder than before, then a strange humming, even a roaring, begins, and I become extremely sensitive to sounds. If just one car drives by, it already feels like the end of the world. Also, my eyes become very sensitive to light. Then it starts to flash - and a plethora of images and short films appear before my inner eye. The images come at such a rapid speed that I can't even identify them or remember them.
capture my attention, frighten me - but they follow each other so quickly that I am not able to think about them.When I close my eyes, I become completely confused by them, they almost drive me crazy.So I open my eyes and center my attention on the Jesus Prayer.In it I experience security in the midst of chaos, trust in the midst of fear, peace in the midst of tremendous turmoil.My heart begins to beat very fast, my circulation collapses, I turn pale, I feel dizzy.Fortunately I am lying down.The shaman comes and hands me a glass of water.I am shaking so much that I can only drink a tiny sip.I feel hot.And now begins a journey in which I enter such an unusual state of consciousness that I don't really remember it later.They chase past me, capture my attention, startle me - but they follow each other so quickly that I am unable to think about them.When I close my eyes, I get completely confused by them, they almost drive me crazy. So I open my eyes and center my attention on the Jesus Prayer. In it I experience security in the midst of chaos, trust in the midst of fear, peace in the midst of tremendous turmoil.
My heart starts beating very fast, my circulation collapses, I turn pale, I feel dizzy.Fortunately, I am lying down.The shaman comes and hands me a glass of water.I am shaking so much that I can only drink a tiny sip.I feel hot.And now begins a journey in which I enter such an unusual state of consciousness that I don't really remember it later.
I only ever see as much of these burdens as seems absolutely necessary for this healing spell to work- then I immediately forget and am led to the next.Until the next morning I have the feeling that an enormous work has been done in me, but it happens more than I do it myself.
And yet I am safe, yes, feel happy in spite of the tremendous shocks through which body and soul are inexcusably rushing.The energy of this plant iboga does not lead me into that light and blissful state that I have often experienced with ayahuasca, but rather into dense darkness, into states of extreme heaviness, even into states that seem to me as if I am chasing through hell. And yet I feel a great love, a love that does the hardest work to heal, like a surgeon who sheds blood to restore health.
This journey is really demanding. I think it takes a good preparation, a long training, not to fall into an inner resistance when facing such challenges. On the other hand-am I not forced, so to speak, to give up all resistance? If I were to inwardly resist my situation, I would have to suffer unspeakably. Surrender is the only way to survive this journey to some extent... All the time I anchor my consciousness in the Jesus Prayer.
I have probably never practiced this form of meditation as long and as intensively as I did that night. So this night is also something like a revelation and proving of my innermost source of strength.
In the morning around 7 o'clock I am able to get up with support and to be taken to the toilet. Afterwards, the shaman takes me out into nature: there, under trees, she has prepared a bed for each of us. Very slowly, the restlessness subsides out there in the course of the day. I am deeply exhausted, can drink again, even eat a little fruit. Last night I didn't sleep a second, but even during the day sleep is still out of the question.
Towards evening I can get up again with difficulty. And the following night it is possible to sleep a little superficially, although I am still awake most of the time, exhausted, happy, wondering. I search for the memories of the night of initiation, but I find few. "The experience of iboga can be understood only a long time after the experience," the shaman tells us. " One does not know at first what has changed." No, I don't know clearly yet. However, a few things already strike me: Apart from the fact that the shaman herself seemed very attractive and lovable to me, since the initiation in general the whole world has become more sensual and erotic for me. I can well understand that Iboga is also
I have probably never so long lasting and so intense this is considered an aphrodisiac: more receptive than ever I am to the charms of the fair sex.I enjoy being there. This is associated with a comprehensive relaxation. The night of initiation with iboga was something like the end of all effort.I could not do anything on my own that night, I could only let it happen.
The theme of the end of all effort has been present for me all the time since the initiation.Iboga liberates from addictions.Was the addiction of my life so far the effort? In the days and weeks after the initiation, I notice that I no longer exert myself.Commitment, dedication, drive - yes.But not this tortured struggle for strength when it is not there.When I'm tired, I just allow myself to be tired.
And lo and behold, it works.No need to use more strength than is naturally there.Instead of trying to make something happen by using my power in a certain way, my focus is simply on the present event that is happening by itself.And everything comes out of that by itself.What I also notice is that I feel a strong creative energy within me, which expresses itself especially in the need to write. I feel a deep gratitude for the plant Iboga and for the people who made it possible for me to get acquainted with this plant.
I stayed a while longer with the shaman than planned - I needed some more rest.On this occasion I had very nice conversations with her.Among other things, she determined my Enneagram type: I am a One.I had read books about the Enneagram before. I had not succeeded in identifying my own type.When I heard the interpretation of this type from the shaman and then read it again, the scales fell from my eyes.Yes, the subject of perfection has occupied me all my life.Suddenly I understand the books about the Enneagram and find orientation, inspiration and direction in them.It seems to me that these are gifts that iboga gives: alignment and focus, mental understanding, clarity of thought, guidance to the innermost source of inner strength, creativity, sensuality, consistency, determination, inner peace.And I get to experience who I am, who I always have been and always will be: Loving Awareness.
25. APRIL 2020
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