from the Walshaus
Experiences and Experiences of my 3rd Iboga, In the Forest House
On the said date we met for our joint iboga initiation in the forest house. We were a total of three who took Iboga. For our companionship, or tripsitter, and Della and Anja were to accompany us.
Through my two previous iboga experiences I was already able to recognize and dissolve many programmed as well as self-induced behaviors and habits. In particular, the harmful behaviors of my opiod addiction, especially the harmful use of Kratom. I don't want to badmouth the effects and benefits of kratom, as it certainly has its uses and justification. It can be used sensibly as a natural opiod substitute to get a grip on one's life situation. I was able to stop my oxycodone abuse with the help of Kratom and this completely painless. However, I was not spared from developing a kratom addiction. Basically, I substituted myself with Kratom. Which in my view is much better than polamidone or methadone.
My first two Floodose were rather still a getting to know the Iboga and I let the substance work on me first independently. In addition, I was more focused on ending my addiction.After the first two Flooddose I could imagine much more targeted topics that burden my current situation to work on and solve them.
Before my third Iboga Flooddose with 2g TA and 1g HCL, I thought about which topics I wanted to work on and where the shoe pinches from my point of view. These topics were worked through very intensively in my third Flooddose.
My main topics:
- My parents and my education and siblings
- The question if my professional orientation is the right one or if it needs a reorientation.
On the day of the Flooddose, I avoided heavy food, although I had already paid attention to my diet in advance. The intake then took place at 18:00 and we lay down on the mattresses in the darkened room.I first took about 2/3 of the described amount and at about 20:00 o'clock the rest. The physically noticeable effect didn't occur until around 9:00 p.m., and from 10:00 p.m. on, it slowly started to wear off.My thoughts wandered over the experiences of the last weeks, although nothing tangible could be recognized here yet. Again and again pictures and feelings followed which let me fall deeper into the process. Over the first few hours, I had the feeling that I was somehow not getting in deep enough, and that the dose may have been too low. I waited and tried to keep my thoughts on track which was not so easy. At some point I noticed that my body was completely taken over and it became more intense.And then it went off...!
My main topic the family knocked with the sledgehammer. With a loud bang, images appeared that relentlessly announced the theme. These images shocked me so much and at the same time made me so awake and present that I knew immediately what it was going to be about. These images were so complex and too difficult to describe that I will not go into detail here. Especially since they would seem too disturbing if I did. After this announcement I was thrown back into my childhood and witnessed a short stay of my birth. I could witness the events of my childhood again which shaped me. Especially the upbringing of my parents were very present here. I could see in great detail what happened. This experience was so profound that I fully understood why I react and act in situations in my life today. I was shown what my mother did in my younger years, why she did it and how she did it. Consistently in importance, I was shown the situations with my father, which were, however, very painful.
In addition, I was presented again and again with the initial picture which, from my point of view, represented the key figure, my father. In addition, I could see how I had absorbed the situations of my childhood and how this had affected my sensitive perception.I could observe how I received the pain as programming and how it still affects me today and how the puzzle of my personality was put together from this.This was shown to me in countless situations, allowing me to relive, feel and then process those moments and let them go.
When my work with the past was done, my thoughts and feelings moved to my current state where the topic of my previous and current employment situation came up.I knew for a long time that something is very wrong here and that this in turn can be traced back to my parents.This was also shown to me in relation to my childhood.Then came a smooth transition to what I can really do and what I enjoy. This was shown to me in such a precision, whereby I could also feel all this, that I recognized here a direction that will do me good and where I will have joy in it.Knowing this is of course only one part of this transformation, because now it is time to put it into practice.It is easy to do an iboga initiation with the right dose and lay on the mattress for 24 hours.The work afterwards is the real challenge.
After these two overpowering impressions about myself, individual fragments of life situations followed again and again, but I can no longer interpret them correctly. However, I experienced and felt these just like the previous ones, through which a lot of pain could be released to this day.
Because the weather was so good, we were able to go outdoors in the second phase and let nature have its effect on us.We were then taken outside and lay down on the mattress there.I felt this difference from indoors to outdoors enormously and nature had a very positive effect on my process. I was shown here once again in pictures and feelings how the interconnectedness of all things is. Everything was connected like threads and had a direction. Through this I could also very clearly deduce in which unnatural life situations we find ourselves here and how we in this society are constantly fighting against nature instead of working with it. This was again a special experience and I felt very comfortable.
For me, every iboga experience so far has been different and had its own qualities. I also think that this will not be my last experience, although I will take a little more time for the next one. All in all, this was a great week for me and I was able to just let go in the environment and through our company. The whole set was successful and I am grateful to have had such a companion.Thank you!
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