This field report is about my first Iboga Full Flood during the Easter Treatment of Della/IBOGAGermany at the beginning of April 2021 in Hesse. It is the most extraordinary experience I have had in my life so far. My path to iboga led through an exploration of ayahuasca and further research on the internet to find other possible plants that could help one with personal development, not to say personal healing. In a forum on natural psychedelics, I gained insight into a list of many different plants that could induce mind-expanding states, and it was in this list that I first read the name iboga.
Something about this name particularly appealed to me and I began to focus my research on it. A short time later, I discovered an interview with Della in Hemp Magazine. That's how I ended up on her Facebook page. From that moment on, I informed myself almost exclusively at IbogaGermany regarding the mode of action, side effects, experience reports and ultimately everything else that is related to Tabernanthe Iboga. Soon it was clear to me that I wanted to experience for myself what was described here and I thought there was a good chance that Iboga would be able to change something fundamental in my personal situation. For years I had been in a situation that was characterized by insecurity, depression and anxiety, partly caused by external factors and partly originating from within. Without going into the details now, what has occupied and broken me in recent years,
I would like to add that the moment I arrived in Hesse, the place of the treatment, I was aware that either Iboga would be able to help me or I would take the rope afterwards. I didn't want to go on living like this. Because the life I was leading was only taking place almost exclusively in my head, circling around the same images and thoughts that had been there for a long time, without the prospect of change. And the pictures and thoughts, which ruled in the meantime in my head and thus over me, were those of the wasteland and the death. For a long time I had no more strength to resist it all. So the journey to Hesse was for me an undertaking of Hop or Top; the last chance for life that I allowed myself. In this condition I arrived at the seminar house that was booked for the treatment. And I behaved accordingly in the small group with which I was to spend the next few days: as a quiet, gray little mouse, I kept in the background, didn't say much, and on the first evening and the following morning moved mainly in the territory I knew, in my own head. The group I met was composed of Della, the organizer of the treatment, Yvonne, a friend of hers who had come along as a sitter for the night of the full tide, Marc, a friend of Della's, who was supposed to take care of everyone's physical well-being as a cook, and three other participants in the actual treatment, who were excited to varying degrees about what was in store for them. All of them were open-minded, warm-hearted people and I felt well taken care of from the very first moment. The first day passed with arriving, getting to know each other and a final dinner. I eagerly awaited the next day. After breakfast, we gathered to go over the schedule and determine the respective dosages. We were given a mixture of two-thirds Total Alkaloid (TA), an extract containing all the alkaloids, the "spirit of the plant," and one-third HCL, consisting almost entirely of the alkaloid ibogaine. The amount we received was individually adjusted to our respective body weights. After filling the powder into capsules by our own hands, we dispersed to prepare for the upcoming ingestion. I used the time to make a small list of things I would like to have treated. That I wanted to regain my inner strength, for example, or my calm and exuberance. Since I had read that iboga in the African tradition...
is a male plant and when addressed, spoken to Papa Iboga, I also addressed this list to Papa Iboga and asked him for healing. After formulating my intention for the upcoming flood, I set out to take it. In a large room, our mattresses had already been laid out and everyone had a small area to themselves where the subsequent 24 hours would be spent. Since the flooding with ibogaine puts a lot of strain on the body and, for the period of the first night, weakens the muscles and leads to a constant trembling that affects all extremities, we were provided with Yvonne, our personal flood sitter. For the rest of the day and the following night, she would watch over us and help us with everything we would not be able to do on our own: the sometime inevitable trip to the toilet, refilling our water glass, replacing the straws that would at least allow us to drink independently, or just about anything else for which we would need help. In the certainty to be well cared for, to be able to concentrate therefore fully on our flood and to engage, we found ourselves now, completely dressed in white, again together and stepped to the action. Punctually 14h the taking took place.
As if on cue, it suddenly began to tingle gently in the tips of my fingers and toes.
The effect set in.I concentrated on it and watched how the effect would unfold.The tingling spread, slowly but constantly.From the outermost extremities, it traveled down my arms and legs, gradually covering my entire body. When it covered me completely, the intensity increased and after a while it felt as if there was a thick fur on me; a thick fur of tingling and vibration. It was a wonderfully blissful feeling, and I had to think of something I had read myself in some testimonials: just relax and let it come to you. I was relaxed, but I had a little difficulty with letting it come to me. I kept thinking of the images that Iboga was supposed to evoke in me, and I could hardly wait for images to appear in my mind; or at least images that were different from the ones I already knew so well from my last years and that were the only ones I could see in my mind's eye. The thought, "When will you show me your pictures, Papa Iboga?" became stronger and stronger.
Partially I also saw things moving from the left and disappearing to the right, only this was all so blurry that I couldn't make anything out. "When are you going to show me your pictures, Papa Iboga?"All at once, something came rushing into my field of vision from behind me on the left, and it did a tremendous thump.In the background of the scenery that now presented itself to me, there continued to be the vast, gray landscape peppered with dead trees that I already knew so well.Around me was still death and destruction, but the intensity of what I saw had suddenly increased many times over.A realization flashed through me, telling me that with the blow it had done, my head had "won" against Iboga, and that I would not be able to see any new images.As this went through my mind, I perceived an element in the scenery, at 14h sharp, the taking took place.It was up to us how fast and in what rhythm we wanted to take the capsules with our dose;
I wanted to know, even though my excitement was still very limited at this point.
It should take half an hour to a whole hour until the effect sets in.I lay down on my mattress and tied the cloth I had brought with me around my eyes, since iboga can only develop its effect in darkness.
Now my excitement and inner tension grew and I could hardly wait for it to start; whatever was to come my way.So I lay there for quite a while without any noticeable change.My mind continued to buzz with the thoughts and images that I knew so well from my past years and that can best be described as bleakness and death.There was a bit of conversation in the background and at one point someone said that it had been about an hour since the ingestion.As if on cue, it suddenly began to tingle very gently, in the tips of my fingers and toes.The effect was setting in.I concentrated on it and watched how the effect would unfold.The tingling spread, slowly but constantly. From the outermost extremities, it traveled down my arms and legs, gradually covering my entire body. When it covered me completely,
the intensity and after a while it felt like there was a thick fur on me; a thick fur of tingling and vibration. A wonderfully pleasant feeling it was, and I had to think of something I had read myself in some testimonials: Just relax and let it come to you.I was relaxed, but I had a little difficulty with letting it come to me. I kept thinking of the images that Iboga was supposed to evoke in me, and I could hardly wait for images to appear in my mind; or at least images that were different from the ones I already knew so well from my last years and that were the only ones I could see in my mind's eye.The thought, "When will you show me your pictures, Papa Iboga?" became stronger and stronger.Partly I also saw things moving from the left and disappearing to the right, only that this was all so blurred that I could not recognize anything."When are you going to show me your pictures, Papa Iboga?"All at once, something came rushing into my field of vision from behind me on the left, and it did a tremendous thump.In the background of the scenery that now presented itself to me, there continued to be the vast, gray landscape
Landscape that was peppered with dead trees and that I already knew so well.Death and destruction continued around me, but the intensity of what I was seeing had suddenly increased many times over.A realization flashed through me, telling me that with the blow it had done, my head had "won" against Iboga, and that I would not be able to see any new images.As this passed through my mind, I perceived an element in the scenery,
that I did not know yet:In front of me appeared a kind of bell, an inverted
bowl that rotated constantly and on which was written in large letters "Psychosis."The bell itself had a milky transparency and behind the bell now images floated past me from left to right, but all of them continued to be blurred and not recognizable to me. Now I noticed another element that I had not noticed before: a small, ghostly male, with a large black eye in the center of his head, was looking at me. I was immediately aware that this was Papa Iboga, who wanted to make contact with me. At that moment, an ear-numbing roar entered my consciousness that seemed to emanate from a small sucker pictured right next to the ghostly man. Only the sucker wasn't sucking, it was emitting this roar and whoosh that threatened to shred my eardrums. Next to it was a small scale depicted, which went up to far in the red range.And all at once it was clear to me that this noise, in just this volume, had been accompanying me for a long time, only that I had no longer noticed it at all. But that it had drowned out everything in me over the last few years, depressed me and kept me small.
As I was thinking this, Papa Iboga literally slammed another image in front of me, which shook me to the core: I looked into my own face, with bloodshot eyes and my long hair reaching down to my shoulders.Thus I hung dead from a lamppost, my head bent, a rope around my neck, swaying gently back and forth in the wind.At that moment I knew: You don't want to end up like that!You don't want to die!
Now Papa Iboga began to communicate clearly with me.He did not talk to me and I did not hear any voices and nevertheless he was able to make me understand what he wanted to communicate to me with all the pictures and impressions: "You do not want to die, so much we would have clarified.
But if you want to see my pictures and not only your own, then you have to get rid of your psychosis bell, under which you can perceive everything only blurred and clouded. Furthermore, we have to turn off this noise that also clouds your perception and doesn't let you think clearly.And for that I am now turning this switch." And now he reached for a switch, which I had not noticed before either, and flipped it.With the click of the switch, the sucker reversed its output and in no time at all, and with a loud smacking sound, sucked in the noise numbing everything inside me, the psychosis bell disappeared, and all at once there was a silence in my head like I had never experienced before.No sounds, no thoughts, just a complete nothingness and endless silence.The pictures of the wasteland and the death remained before my inner eye, but I felt all at once simply peace. I had arrived at my zero point, from now on, and on this zero point, in perfect silence and clarity, I spent the rest of the night.
From the onset of the tingling to the abrupt reaching of the zero point and the immersion into the peaceful silence, according to my perception, hardly 30 minutes had passed, whereby all that happened after the preliminary triumph of my head over Iboga up to the turning of the switch, had taken only a few seconds. So there were still a few hours of the day ahead of me, as well as the entire night, in which I, motorically capable of not much more than lying down and left alone again by Papa Iboga, indulged in my newfound peace of mind.
At the end of the night, in which I had shivered myself several times, with Yvonne arm in arm, to the toilet and back, in the meantime always careful to drink enough and not to neglect my liquid balance, my motor abilities returned little by little and I could start into the dawning day with newly won independence. My change, which the past hours had brought me, was noticeable from the beginning: nothing remained of the quiet, gray little mouse and, bursting with self-confidence, I had returned to flourishing life. In addition to the inner changes, I now also noticed physical changes: I felt was almost frightening; my voice, previously busy and hoarse, now felt like it could roar away lions; my lung volume, despite my heavy cigarette use, seemed to have almost doubled.
My laughter came all at once from the depths of my throat. And there was a lot of laughter on this third day of our meeting, as well as during the rest of the week. In keeping with our more than cheerful mood, the sun, which had been hiding behind thick snow clouds the day before, began to make an appearance more and more frequently. It promised to be a great day, a great week. In addition to the wonderful meals Marc prepared for us, and a cordial togetherness that included everyone in our small group, iboga was also a constant part of this week. I spent a lot of time blindfolded indulging in wonderful visions and was not disappointed: jungle came to me from all the walls; iboga leaves wherever my eyes looked; third eyes showed themselves to me and tried to make contact; wherever I was, despite being blindfolded, I was not sitting in darkness, but perceived my surroundings with all their details, was able to experience the play of light from the sun, and everything around me was materialized and imaged in front of my inner eye thanks to iboga; I was led through strange worlds, traveled back and forth in time, and every now and then, I asked Papa Iboga questions about our existence and our own world, which he answered willingly.
The zero point that had set in on my first night remained with me for the entire week, and even weeks after my return home.A virtually meditative state, in which no disturbing thought stirred in my head, but in which I could think as clearly and focused as never before in my life.Probably not least because of this state, time passed so incredibly slowly during that week in Hesse that soon all sense of it was lost on me and I ended up feeling as if months had passed.Without exaggeration, I can say that this experience of the Iboga Flood is the most extraordinary thing I have experienced in my life so far.I have been freed from so many insecurities, fears and weaknesses that I still find it hard to believe.The list I had written to Papa Iboga before taking it,
like a wish list of healing, has been almost completely worked through and thus cleared.I have been enriched on so many levels that I would like to speak of fully: spiritually, mentally, physically, humanly.A person who has been awakened to new life.Maybe also: I came out of it as a different person.
Besides the plant Tabernanthe Iboga and all the others of our small group with whom I was able to spend this week, I thank above all and with all my heart Della, without whom this experience would not have been possible.She manages, with her experience, the resulting enthusiasm and commitment, to create a framework in which I felt comfortable and well taken care of from the beginning. Her care and attention to even the smallest details makes it easy to drop and engage in what can initially seem like an experiment and cost a certain amount of overcoming. At this point, I would like to recommend to all those who are thinking of undergoing a full flood: Do it! There is nothing to be afraid of.
Iboga is so gentle and sensitive, yet so direct and attuned to you, that it will take you forward in whatever you feel you need to be taken forward in.And Della knows exactly what she is doing; is so warm and considerate in everything that I can't think of a better setting to indulge in this experience.
IBOGA.A word, three syllables, five letters that have it all! Already know that this will have been my first full flood, but certainly not my last.I am already looking forward to meeting Papa Iboga again; whenever and wherever that will be.In this sense: Here's to the future!
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